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08.21.02 - 9:54 p.m.
on my own
today, solitude feels okay. i usually go bonkers if i go the entire day without a single face to face conversation with anyone. i have me, i'm trying to remember that. me's not too bad.
i know the problem is that i want from people what they can't give: consistency, predicability, trust, presence. i know this is only a test - that i need to cross the barrier of belief that just because those i love are absent that their care for me still remains. i don't need to keep reaching out - making myself so incredibly accessible that i can't possibly be rejected. but then comes the downside, resentment that no one can give as i give. i need to stop giving so much, that's for sure. i need to realize that it's not *their* lack of giving that's the problem. no, it's my excessiving giving that makes all relationships so damn imbalanced. today, i have solitude and that has got to be enough. i have enough, i am enough. narrow the lens. look forward not outward. i can carry me home.
MUSIC:
READING:
FEELING:
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