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11.10.04 - 9:28 p.m.
control comes in 5 varieties this much i know: control comes in at least five varieties: 1. In Control
2. Under Control
3. Beyond My Control
4. Out of Control
5. Controlled-Freak i'll categorize the sordid list of recent events that have happened this past week under their respective realms in the control specturm
these categories are a start. for now: i'm sick of crying over the BS gone wrong in my life. i'm sick of writing over and over again in my journal i am not a victim, i am not a victim, i am not a victim .reality bites, or at least isn't listening, because external forces keep pitching the same black ball in my court. at least i have my carrel to cry in. when i figure out the smidgen of tasks i can push into the category:
"I can control" just for tonight I'll let you know. Meanwhile, my current housemate - who announced yesterday , excuse me, just put on the table, that she found a wonderful place to live RENT-FREE; serendipity, her friend owns a house and out of the blue, today said friend just invited her to live at her place. and oh, sorry circling that this comes as a surprise, but don't panic housemate says: she'll give the landlord (for all intents and purposes ME) 30 days notice before she moves out - yeah, that housemate just came home. And frankly, I'm too DAMN COLD in my room, where my radiator has not worked since winter started... Needless to say, it's been THREE DAYS since my landlord came by to "fix" it. At the moment, said landlord happens to be playing poker in the attic (a separate part of the house, i'm sure it's heated) He already came by unannounced to fix the problem... smack dab in the middle of my "work at home, wednesday's my day off" day
grrr, so while i'm frantically shoving my dirty undies into the hamper to have some semblance of privacy, in comes his fixit friend friend jeff who knows lots about fixing radiators - god forbid the landlord uses my rent money to hire a professional. [yep, i can hear jeff playing poker with the fellows as well]. so, i started describing the invasion - came by at 1:30PM gesturing loudly and touching every radiator but mine and making emphatic "ouch, sizzling hot to touch" noises about the heat coming on in EVERY SINGLE OTHER FUCKING ROOM in this house, but MINE! yes, i'm the twit who called his invasive ass here in the first place. maybe i'll just take a blanket into the bathroom and sleep in the tub tonight. does my choice to sleep in the bathtub fall under "out of control" or "controlled-freak"? yes, tonight life's that bad, and i'm that pissed. i am not a victim, i am not a victim, i am not a victim...
MUSIC: AngieStone_StoneLove
READING: TheCastratedMaster
FEELING:see above entry title
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