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10.26.04 - 10:31 a.m.
Today, You Will NOT Run Away from your Responsibilities!!! I don't mean for this reminder to myself to sound as if I'm angry at myself... I'm past that anger. In fact, I'm desperately trying right now to Buck Up and Just DO all The Activities I'm responsible for Putting into Place.. Here's an important reminder from my dear "you can always count on me to kick you in the ass with love" friend Rach:
"Ok lady - YOU ARE NOT RUNNING AWAY FROM THIS!!! You have worked so hard for this and you are going to write an AMAZING thesis - don't you dare short change yourself. Truly, you are such a good writer that it would really be a shame for you to not JUST BUCK UP and WRITE the best damn paper ever! -- Love Rachel " The most important fear I need to keep at bay is that, despite my AWFUL history of time management skills, I CAN accomplish all the events I need to make advances on my work - teaching, grading, essay topic designing, discussion leading; working tonight - tutor but don't deplete your energies; working on my job letter for deadlines approaching in the next two weeks; and above all WRITING, gosh last night I put in 3 hard hours of reading and research, and then 1 hour into revising my messy writing sample (which isn't even yet resembling an actual paper) I want to do so much, yet I feel so dang tired. And no amount of drinking water, ingesting an embarrassing amount of caffeineted beverages and supplements; protein loading... seems to work so far to get my brain cranking out as much as I need. Help me god, stay on course... I'm trying so hard, I DO want this so badly. I'm not even about sabotage these days, I'm just feeling so depleted of resources and don't know where I'll find whatever it takes to get my work done... but I must... So, Today WILL be an incredibly fruitful day. It MUST. Push me please HP push me forward, focused, finished, faster, free...
MUSIC: blackeyedpeas_let'sgetthisstarted
READING: kincaidmybrother
FEELING:desperate to catch up from behind
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