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08.31.04 - 9:57 a.m.
leap, and the net will follow after 20 days in southern california, i'm back in upstate new york. i've come home to a roof that's leaked so badly into the living room, that the hardwood floors have literally warped and buckled... not the least of my worries, as i start teaching my fall class in 4 hours! here's the kicker: i only realized that my class started TODAY (tuesday, aug. 31) and not next tues (sept. 6th) because i received an email on sunday from a student: "dear prof. circling. i'm writing to ask if i can join your class, since i'm very interested in the course description but your class enrollment is full" BRRRRRRRRNNNNNGGGGG! now is that a wake up call to someone who's not bothered to read the fine print of her emails~ [fyi: total emails received while away at irvine, ca: 219!!!] breathe breathe again. i wrote the student telling him there's nothing i can do from where i am, and then started panicking...and also crying on the inside, burning with resentment that the week, no, 6 days that i'd dreamed i'd have all to myself to write my graduate paper of 25 pages for engl/complit circulation for sept. 3rd, will not in fact be possible ugh gawd oh gawd oh gawd -- Q. how do i face the music and tell the organizing committee (of which i'm apart) that i just can't follow through as a participant?!?!?) A. with bated breath, no, after a deep breath. contact DSTH and just tell her the truth. i can't deliver the goods this week without going absolutely insane from jet lag adjustment and cross -continental, cross-cultural re-adjustment. okay. first things first. i have 4 hours to come up with a writing assignment for this week, and to present a syllabus that can bare bones. it just has to be clear. my new [school] year's resolution: do not be so damn apologetic. i'm the teacher. i know what i'm doing. if i speak slowly enough, and think before speaking, they will not doubt that i know what i'm doing (i do, i do - i've just not had a sizeable chunk of time for myself since critical theory bootcamp took over my life on aug. 16th - to sit down and work on my OWN material - people will understand. just be honest with them about your limitations. and with the students, be honest but also do not speak from a point of weakness and powerlessness. i DO know what i'm talking about. and on wednesday, i vow to sit down and craft an awesome syllabus that will get them as excited about writing as i am. in the meantime, i soooo don't want to lose the sunniness that radiated from me after 19 days of NO RAINFALL!! know i know it's fucked up in many ecological senses that there was no rain in irvine the entire time i was there...but shit, for me, my vacation from awful weather...and my vacation from balancing, fixing, arranging, and organizing every one else's concerns but my own...brought me a sense of ownership overf my self, my time, my moods, my happiness, that i VOW not to lose now that i'm back on the east coast. so, STOP checking your email every 30 minutes...cling to your DSL abstinence...and focus on getting your work done and doing whatever it takes to give your students what they need on their first day of writing class! and BE ON TIME!!!! for class - punctuality, energy, and optimistic outlook is 90% making a successful first impression on these first year students. remember, who am i to traumatize these eager initiates to college life? banish your bitterness, circling, and bring on the hope. focus on your priority, your task, the job you've been paid to do: be there 100% for those students today. be present. be a rock. it will work out fine. i promise you circling. just be present, directed, and optimistic, and direct and it will work out just fine.
MUSIC: morning jazz
READING: my syllabus in construction
FEELING:i don't know what
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