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07.30.04 - 5:37 a.m.
page me the chronicle @ home okay, so the title's a cutesy message to myself to mark the eye-opening, reality-checking, grounding turn that i'm trying to make for myself. the reality is that two weeks from now, or rather T - 13 days, my butt will be on a 6 hr continental plane ride to southern california. and i've GOT to wake up to my responsibilities before that trip, during that trip, and after that trip (ahem, the immediate start of the 2004-05 academic year). i'm still spinning the story to anyone who asks that i'm going on the jobmarket this december - which means that i'll have two polished chapters -- for most people that would be 25 pages a piece, but circling never did write an article length paper under 40 pages :-(. that means that i've got my eyes set on a few institutions - and that i become less adept at finding awesome job leads for my friends to pursue (AmIndStud at Yale or U of NM, for example) and more jobs to which I can apply (hey, the university on the virg_nisl_ands is seeking ppl to teach composition classes - the pay's so not worth it, but DANG it's UVI for crying out loud! anyway, to help myself push myself toward reality - i've changed my homepage to the chr*n_of_high_r_ed - which is the organ of american unis and coll. for job placement. this after i've been websurfing celebphoto pics, and sadly fueling my despicable desire for more more more paparrazishots - when i'm appalled by the relentless invasion of privacy that these zoomlensbodysnatchers cast on their prey. BTW, i have no sympathyforthe fatalattractionredux stalker whowroteallthat vileviolentmurdurous threat (19 letters!, not funny, and if that were her intent, DK lost her comedic air after the first one, in my book). ugh. shivers. i also stayed inlast night, despite fullknowledge of two parties going on last night - first off i DO have plans to attend a rockin'celebrationparty on saturday night that promises to be pretty big, and widen my circle of coollesbianchicks OUTSIDE of CUandit's InsularWOWNET! after showing my apartment today to twopotential apartment housemates - both of whom surprisingly are architects (yummmm, i love the brains of architects - spatial/vision/design/grandeur/ambition - but i've never had dreams of doin' it on an architecturetable, doh!) i decided to stay in tonight and read a good piece of fiction... besides, i've spent all summer going to neighborhood bars and standing around and drinking tired ale and whisky sours. i sense i'm not the only one sort of pulling in her resources and selecting her party venues more carefully - besides, this weekend is academichellweekend - august1 - how many leases turnover on august 1st in this town, thank G*WD this year it won't be me loading up a u-haul. although i am planning to help a friend load up her stuff today - i like moving boxes - mindless - GREAT upper body work out - and i get to chill with my peeps while blaring good music (of course i'm gonna bring CDs that I want to listen to). enough.face forward. c'mon, i know you can do it circling. fight for your reality. stay at home. kill your DSL online celebphotopic addiction...
and follow through on y our agreement with the T:
>
(1) i WILL have one goal by 10 AM each day that i will follow through on before 5PM (the end of the work day).>
(2) i will freewrite 3pages longhand and/or use a timer and force myself to keep my pen moving across paper for 30+ minute without stopping. >
(3) i will do the first step thing of turning my stress, fear, anxiety over where to startr and 'is this ida okay?' over to that magical DON'T=WORRY-BE-HAPPY, I'LL-TAKE-CARE-OF-IT" HP>
(4) and I will believe that I will survive :--)
MUSIC: ~~~~~~~~~~
READING: percivaleverett'serasure
FEELING:mindful
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