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05.06.04 - 10:58 p.m.
an honorable mention on monday, after months of waiting, i received two envelops containing the answer to the state of my next academic year. - i did not receive an aauw dissertation fellowship ( 65 fellowships awarded out of 602 applicants). - i did not receive the ford fellowship (35 fellowships awarded, out of 320 applicants). the letters took the sting out of the double-whammy rejection - as it turned out, the ford foundation awarded me a second best of sorts. an honorable mention never paid the rent, but it's a line on my c.v., so i got something (maybe 40 characters, out of a 1/2 year long grueling experience?). don't want to say much more than this... i will say that the week's been okay...as it turned out, the same day the mail box spewed only bad news my way, an incredibly dynamic south asian-american professor (v. prashad) gave this talk on the logic of ethnic studies... i truly believe that i was meant to hear this lecture the same day as not receiving foundational support for my project... prashad is absolutely right that too many radical indepedent thinkers have diluted their messages, and lost their insurgent voice once national fellowships seduce professors into becoming complacent, and worse, feeling hesitant and fearful of biting the hand that feeds them. and too boot, my new found brown bro teaches in hartford - the same state where i grew up - and he described an incredible course he teaches on international race relations, where he assigns students to involve themselves with immigrant communities in downtown hartford, rather than sending them off to distant countries like jamaica, haiti, india, south korea, etc... with only a textbook as their guide. after his talk, i told him about my rejection letters. he told me to spit on them...and then file them away until that incredible future day when those places turn around and ask ME to act in some leadership position on their behalf. i'm not sure how keen i am on preserving my spit for a decade or go, but i get his point. and for now, i'm happy to have made it through another week...my buddies J__ was rejected by the mellon foundation, and Ang___ rejected by the shin fellowship...so we're going to have a confetti and champagne party and celebrate ourselves this weekend. meanwhile, back to grading the last set of quizzes for my class. the final batch of papers arrive tomorrow... the last day of class ended on an incredible good note...i even hugged some students, shook hands with others, and made future coffee dates with others still. i've got two invitations to slammingly hot bfa thesis exhibitions in my pocket, along with a sexy cheetah print thank you card, and some other souvenirs of gratitude... i couldn't feel more valued, and could not have asked for more valuable acquaintances with undergrads to come out of this...i've always got a buddy/admirer/quirky friend to hang out with in the libe when i stop by for coffee... the combative era of grad-undergrad hostilities has ended. undercover divas ALWAYS come out on top... no doubt.
MUSIC: 'to be real', cheryl lynn
READING: new friendster testimonials
FEELING:relieved that classes have ended
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