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06.22.03 - 2:15 a.m.
younger sisters who fail to graduate from the same high school i left with top honors frustrate even more. forget the gap between my high school salutorian graduation speech or senior year achievements then (now a decade plus old, and totally irrelevant to me) and her watching this ceremony from the bleachers tomorrow. more frustrating when this sister fails out in spite of possessing a computer, a desk, a room of her own...the guidance of two older siblings...all the things i *didn't* have to make it through that very same school. i sum up my feelings with a favorite phrase from that teenage period: Not Fair!!! i'm staying put in i____ this week. i'd like to redirect my energies into my work, and not feel guilty that 'my example' is part of 'her problem'. i'd like to think that i'm earning my degree for my family, but how incredibly frustrating that siblings don't necessarily buy into this philosophy much less feel obligated to make this endeavor a group effort. i both love and resent being the first-born...waiting for younger siblings to hurry up do something with their lives, to alleviate the weight of being a 'good example'. i'm too old for a temper tantrum, but grrrrr... occasions like my sister failing out tend to renew my purpose because they remind me of the same old tired bottom line: i don't have a choice.
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