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01.19.03 - 11:28 p.m.
-22 days and counting until my candidacy exams. and howamidoin'? let's just say that 5 minutes ago my head was buried underneath the covers...about 3 hours earlier than i usually go to bed. how lame. i don't need to hide. i don't want to hide. i don't want to fall apart. no more drama, no more drama, no more drama. so why make one up? that's got to be the worst, huh. a false-false crisis has got to be the truest sign of boredom and reckless self-sabotage. i can't think my way into action, i know i need to act my way into new thinking. and i more than think i can do what needs to be done. i know i can. and so how lame is excuse #2 - what if i just don't feel like it - what if i can't be bothered - what if i only get out of bed in the morning to save my ass and while my ass is already on the line, it doesn't yet look like it needs saving (the fire's already burning, just not hot enough yet). i'm only adding to the whining of the world by not proposing to DO something. well, i've taken the first step. turned my light back on. sitting up straight and facing my computer. it's "now" because who says there'll even be the opportunity to consider "never"
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